How to Drive Like an Asshole

If you're parked on the side of the street and need to get going, don't bother checking for cars or bicyclists behind you. Fuck them! Merge into traffic blindly like a boss.

Whenever a song you like comes on the radio, turn the volume up as loud as possible and roll down your windows so other drivers can enjoy the music too. This is also a great opportunity to show off your sweet subwoofers - audiophiles can attest to the fact that music sounds best with overpowering, car-rattling bass tones.

Save money on taxis by driving drunk!

Save time by checking your texts and e-mails on your phone while driving. Maintain focus by driving slowly in the fast lane. Cars will eventually pass you on the right to ensure your safety.

If a car ahead of you is signaling to merge into your lane, speed up so they can't get in. They're obviously trying to race you.

Keep your car safe by taking up two parking spots. Better yet, demonstrate your superior intelligence by parking in handicapped spots.

See a good-looking girl walking on the sidewalk? Honk at her and call her "baby" while you whiz by. It's a great way to meet ladies. But if she flips you off, don't worry - she's probably a stuck-up whore bitch slut.