How to Get a Date on OKCupid

I have a couple of trollfiles on the OKCupid, which I know, is completely lame, maybe even lamer than having a legitimate OKCupid profile. More on that later.

Yesterday I received an interesting message from an OKCupid user. It was lengthy and free from grammatical errors, which is a nice break from the typical "how u diung" or the less friendly "hey bitch can i have ur number?" messages I'm used to getting.

It started out normal enough: 

"My Modest But A Tad Blunt Proposal IV (one (in)decent proposal deserves another!) To meet up with you in person because I consider you to be interesting/attractive based on your profile."

Not my style, but okay.
And then:

"For the folks whom have received the first proposal please see the updates/musings at the tail end of this message.
*Skip to end for a Special Treat*
Disclosures:
1. This message has been used and reused on a number of interesting/attractive females
2. I am interested in meeting a significant other as well as meeting people in general.
3. Here are my well-maintained social media profiles to "prove" that I do exist outside of the digital world. Social media profiles: https://www.facebook.com/[removed] http://www.linkedin.com/in/[removed]
4. Potential red-flag: Haven't had a girlfriend in 6 years
5. Just getting back into the online dating scene."

Okay, this has to be a joke. This guy did not just admit that he has used the same copypasta on "a number of interesting/attractive females." He did not just give out his LinkedIn AND Facebook profiles in an introductory message. He did not not NOT write a list of disclosures! Surely this has to be a message in mockery of the other crazies on OKC, or maybe even an evil prank on an unsuspecting victim of mild identity theft.

But no. The message in its entirety:

 

 

This message is full of gems. And it has been MANUALLY PASSED OUT. I would pay a lot of money to get the hard copy of this manuscript.

A few hours later, the exact same message was sent out to another one of my trollfiles, SeekingAFrenemy. I am afraid to write back on either one.

UPDATE: Get to know our charming stud in this follow-up post.